Sometimes it just hits you. Like a brick to the back. You're suddenly aware of all you were ever meant to be. You know your purpose. Your meaning. Your worth. You belong somewhere, and you have finally arrived in that place. Then it's taken from you. Swift as a fox through the forest. And it's gone. Maybe for a while, maybe forever. But for now, there's no trace. And you want to remember what those brief moments felt like; the ones where you knew the why's and the how's of your entire existence, but you can't. They were simply over too soon. They left you at square one in a world of unanswered wonderings and lost causes. The answers left you like everything and everyone else you've ever come to know. They went away; vanished like some cheap magic trick. Part of you thinks you never want them back, because you'd only hold a grudge upon their return. You wouldn't really get any real satisfaction or understanding because you'd be so involved in hating them for leaving in the first place. Part of you wishes for nothing else. But that's life, they say. The waiting and the arriving of answers that no one really trusts anyway. The leaving and the missing of things we only dream about otherwise. You see, this life is a fucked up catastrophe of maniacs and their musings. Like how a girl can see a boy from behind the pixelated screen of a television and decide within an instant that he is her soul mate. She thinks her answer has arrived until she learns of his Hollywood and similarly pixelated girlfriend, then the grudge-holding begins. And for what? Because she believed in something fleeting. Elusive. But so fucking beautiful in its technicolor hues. We learn from our idiocy and try better and harder to find truth the next time. Instead of holding the grudging towards things that will never learn of our existence, create magic in the wonders of your surroundings and the surroundings of your surroundings. Make the world you actually live in sparkle harder than any illusion presented to us by people we'll never meet and individuals who will always fail to care for us. Believe in what's real and true and never cease to search for it. Because it's out there waiting for the few and far between of us who are willing to keep on looking for it. And when we get there, we'll inevitably forget about the things we thought were lovely before, because we'll see things for the first time that actually are. And when you get there, I will surely see how lovely that is.
Until next time,