the thing is

i'm sorry for not swallowing my pride when i had the chance
i'm sorry for not being able to see past my own reservations
i'm sorry for not grabbing your hand when i was terrified
i'm sorry for not telling you about all the words you inspired in my head
i'm sorry for not letting myself feel how you knew i could
i'm sorry for not hearing all the things you said without your voice
i'm sorry for not allowing our hearts to do the talking
i'm sorry for not screaming at you to wake up to what was in front of you
i'm sorry for not understanding that we were too different sooner
i'm sorry for not listening to my own cries for help
i'm sorry for not placing the blame where it rightfully belonged
i'm sorry for not thinking i was worth the risk of losing you
i'm sorry for not believing that i could make it on my own
the thing is
i'm sorry for underestimating myself.
i'm sorry for caring for someone else first.
i'm sorry for leaning against you instead of on my own two feet.
i'm sorry for not giving myself a chance.
i'm sorry for a lot of things,
but the thing is,
i'm not sorry for losing you
because i didn't care enough
in the first place
for a reason.